Because they make me think about things I don’t wanna think about.
The novel I read made me think about myself. I know I ain’t a catch you’d want to tell all about to your friends, but c’mon, even I have heart! I have feelings! I know I’m not the ideal skinny model the guys love these days, but I’m still a person. Hell, I might even have better personality and at least you can be sure I won’t disappear because I don’t enjoy eating air!And yes I’m desperate and bit sad and horny, but romantic novels ALWAYS make me think about guys and gals, relationships, love and the outer look of people.
But anyway, I’m here to whine about the life I’m missing but I want to have.
So guys, what the fuck is wrong with you? Is the skinny and pretty girls the thing right now? I know they can have great personality and shit, but so does I. (and damn I must write this before I realise I sound like a fucking teenaged girl with naïve thoughts about love..) Really, if I was born before 20th century, I’d be a hot stuff >__< But I guess the way you look attracts people more than your personality.. Well, you can’t get neither out of me since my style sucks and I lack personality when I must speak. But I’m on fire when I write, believe me or not!
So, should I lose some weight (yes, you should before you die, just to make people happy and satisfied), change my style again and change my personality, just so I could attract some fucking men who might not even want the same thing as I do?
… Yes, maybe, perhaps. At least lose some weight dude. Seriously, the song Sontsan alla is SO about you! And yesh, if you lose weight, you’d look better and you could changes your style. But to change your persona, that’s a tricky question, since you lack social skills, talking skills, flirting skills and all other skills when you talk with someone, especially if it’s a guy.
So yep. Lose weight dearie. I mean mass, your physics book says "People lose mass, not weight".
And, just for you to be happy, stop watching and reading romantic stuff! Really, that Little Mermaid you watched last night! C’mon, you knew Ariel and Eric won’t kiss each other until the end! And why the fuck did you shed some tears at the end? You fool!
… Riiight.. I really have split personalitites… *help me* *shu’ up..*
But I still won’t stop wondering. What is it that attracts a person to a person? And why only some people do and some not? Why some person interests you but he or she doesn’t even know you exist? What is love (baby don’t hurt me..
) ? Really, what and why?
…Even though I just turned 20, I don’t differ much from the 13 year-old me and the person I am today. Which sucks. And I blame myself (and world and guys and girls and ideals these days). Maybe I should grow up. But that’s not me. If it depends on me, I don’t wanna grow up. Which I know is bad since all others will have their "adult things" while I still blabber about the oh-so-awesome thing that is so HOT among teenagers or young kids. But really, c’mon! ADULTHOOD SUCKS! Of course it’s fun when you can do stuff that you can’t do if you’re under 18, but it brings responsibility. And meaningless fights with your parents and sometimes with your friends. Really now, I can see it: my friends, all over 30, around a table and talking about the life they’re living, how their kids are growing, what’s happening in their work life and how their husbands or wives are doing certain things while I’m enjoying my time with my friends kids, the younger ones MAYBE liking me while the older ones are sweat-dropping because I’m SO UNCOOL!
Well, life sucks and so do I. And sometimes I even swallow baby ~.^
…See why you should keep your kids away from me? Don’t make me the godfather/mother for your kids. They’ll be traumatized. You have been warned.
And then I could talk shits and hours about motherhood, but let’s put it in simple form: I want my blonde haired, blue eyed twin boys and if I get girls, I’ll fucking hang myself. I know my mind might change, but I hope it WON’T. Seriously. When have I ever liked girls/females? Never that much that I’d like to have one under my roof.
And pregnancy sucks and it’s gross. And labour. Ok, PMS, female body, labour, pregnancy, anything seriously concerning females is disgusting! But the thing is, if I change my gender, will I be satisfied? I sometimes feel good with myself, but sometimes I just want to cut my boobs, get a penis from somewhere and just be a guy. But will I be satisfied (repeating, repeating)? One thing is will I be able to sing as well with my new voice? I love singing, and I think I have a voice that is pleasant enough. But if I start eating testosterone, will my singing voice suck? Of course my voice will drop, but will my singing voice be bad? That is actually the problem which concerns me the most.. And then adoption (because I still want my blonde, blue eyed kids, not some random Asian-African-Russian kid with brown eyes and brown hair. And let’s face it, I’m racist when it comes to my future kids I might have >__<).
…I have written this for about and hour, and all here is utter bullshit. But I write here because I wanna release the questions and wonders and anxiety I’m feeling, and I do this through writing since I still lack talking skills when it comes to my feelings. This is my therapeutic method to ease the pain and suffer and anxiety I’m feeling. Others talk, I write. That’s it, that’s shit.
I might seem as a cold person who is not so easy to get contact or to approach, but just for you to know, I’m still a person. And a pretty nice person if you ask me. Or so I hope ^___^ I might not smile or talk that much (since if I talk, you won’t understand a thing since I can’t pronounce any word without mumbling it and I really don’t know what to talk about or ask from you..) but I really do care about the persons I meet since they all have different backgrounds and I wanna know them better. So please, do not be afraid of approaching me.
Ok, enough bullshit, now jag ska gå och titta på TV (tanssii tähtien *pervojen!!* kanssa alkoo..)!
Ja na,
-Yamato
Part of your world from Littler Mermaid
I’m still a guy by Brad Paisley
(Does this mean you should start to smile more? …Shu’ up..)
Yamato no tomodachi 